Choose Life
- I initially had so many ideas to write about, but none of them seemed fitting, so I scraped them for right now.
I decided to share a topic that was prevalent in the news last week - suicide.
I first one to say, I understand the holidays can be triggering for some due to different types of loss, unfulfilled expectations, regrets, personal and relational responsibilities, depression, health concerns, financial issues and so much more!
I see you. I love you. I value you.
You belong here and you are needed.
While I know I don’t have all the words or may not even articulate this message correctly to portray what some may be battling - just know I truly do care.
Some seasons may feel long with no end in sight but be encouraged. Take courage. Know that God is always with you and will never leave you or forsake you.
In closing, I wanted to share some of my favorite scriptures I often re-read or commit to memory to help me on my worst days.
- Psalms 139 - read the entire chapter! It’s my favorite chapter in the entire Bible.
- “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT
- “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
- “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, From whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, Which made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 KJV
- “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NLT
Please also note you can text 988 or call 988 from your phone and it is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
* It’s available to anyone in the US.
I Get to Do This!
Recently life is life-ing! If you are new to my blog - welcome, but you should know sometimes I make up my own words. Just roll with it. 😂 So many things in my life occurring simultaneously in addition to working full time. Y’all sometimes between work and after-work activities - I’m exhausted!
But, there’s a phrase we say at our church and something I’ve read in several books this year which says “I Get To Do This.”
This phrase has helped me on so many long days of working when my eyes are crossed and I’m beyond tired!
This phrase has become a motto for my life - I get to do this!
I’m often cautious when I respond to my friends by text. For example, I remember recently texting a friend saying I have to do a task! I quickly corrected myself and said “ I get to do this!
The words “have to” sounds like a chore - while the word “get to” for me sounds like I have an option and it feels more like an honor or privilege.
I get to go to work every day.
I get to go to the gym and work out.
I get to blog and share my life to encourage and inspire others.
I get to write books.
I get to coach others and so much more!
We all know words have power! Life and death are in the power of your tongue. I challenge you to go through the week with the attitude that I get to do this vs I have to do this and share if it helped change your perspective for the week!
I get to do this!!!!
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21 NLT
How Bad Do You Want It?
I shared this quote on my social media recently:
“Many people think they want more than they actually do and they settle for less than they can actually have.” - Earl Nightingale
I heard this quote from my mentor a few weeks ago and I chose to sit with it for over a week. It caused me to take notice and ask myself three questions:
- How bad do I really want the thing that I say I desire?
- If I really want the thing am I willing to do the thing it take to get it done?
- Do I only like the idea of wanting the thing?
For example:
- If I want to lose weight, am I willing to keep a food log if needed?
- If I want to save more money, am I willing to create and stick to my budget?
- If I want to exercise, am I willing to wake up earlier or go later to go the gym?
How bad do you want it?
Please really take time to think about this question. For me some days I really want it and other days I’ll make exceptions. So, I guess I don’t really want it. Once I really want it - it will be easier for me to get clear on what I want and set goals no matter how hard to achieve them.
We have this quote that is often said in my mentoring program,
“Successful people do what none successful people don’t do.”
"The degree of which you are willing to suffer for a thing is an indication of how bad you really want it." - Dr. Dharius Daniels
So, I’ll ask you again, How Bad Do You Want It?
Preparation is Key
I’ve listened to a ton of self-help books this year and while most have the same underline message - I’ve learned preparation is key. Whenever you want to reach a goal you have to prepare for it early.
Last week was Thanksgiving and most of us were off work for the holiday. I realize the key to a successful Thanksgiving meal is preparation the night and even weeks before.
I remember chatting with a friend last year and at the beginning of November, she prepared her shopping list and purchased her can goods seasonings, and baking goods early.
As you all know I’m not there yet. First off, I didn’t even realize we were so close to the holiday until someone in a meeting said we were off work the following week for the holiday. At that point, I thought we were still two weeks away and not one week. 😩 However, I did manage to complete my grocery shopping 4 days before, and if you know me - that’s considered progress.
Additionally, I’ve noticed most Holiday hosts also prepare the night before hosting. I remember when we were younger my mom would stay up the majority of the night cooking a Turkey and I’d awaken to the aroma of collard greens and dressing. I would try to be the first one up in case she needed someone to test-taste the food. 😂 While, for me I didn’t stay up late this year, I did bake my cornbread the night before, which is progress. However, my chicken was still frozen at 6 am. 😩#makeitmakesense
I admire all of the hosts - mamas, grandmas, aunties, uncles, friends and so many more! Keep doing what you are doing to prepare for the big day. Preparation is key!
While hosting requires preparation, how are you preparing to complete your goals from this year and set yourself up for success next year?
A Week of Thanks Rambles…
It’s the week of Thanksgiving! First off, I’m not sure why corporate America doesn’t allow us the entire week off like the children - minus the homework packages we used to receive the week before the holidays. I was an overachiever in school and I always finished my packets on the first day out of school, so I could enjoy the rest of the days off.
However, it never fails, every year I forget something at the store I need for cooking. Like Every single year. Okay, so this time I didn’t forget something from my list. I had sage at home, but I should have purchased a new one. I’m pretty sure, I hadn’t used the bottle I have since the holidays in 2021. 😂Don’t worry y’all, I ordered some more sage because it is required for my dressing. Sidenote: Dressing is the best holiday food - to me. Lol
Holiday storytime: So one year we went to my aunt’s house for the holidays and no one made dressing. 😩 My mom decided she wasn’t cooking that year and so one of my sisters (I won’t share their name) and I decided to make the dressing. 🙃 #tragic My mom warned us too much sage could turn the dressing green and cause the guest to be sick; therefore we opted to not include any sage in the dressing (it was probably my decision). Y’all the dressing was terrible. 🤢It tasted like seasoned cornbread with onions and celery.
I digress. Well, my dressing is much better now. Lol. Anywho all of this to say, happy holidays to you and your family! Please feel free to share a memorable Thanksgiving story!
I’m thankful to every one of you who reads and or listens to my blogs.
“O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.” Psalms 136:1 KJV
Sabbath
I’ve always thought I’d done a great job of resting because I’m a professional napper, but not really. A few weeks ago, I decided to be more intentional in my resting and to sabbath.
First off - Ummm, y’all why is it so hard to rest sometimes?
Chillin' in bed isn’t hard to do - but being intentional about not doing any type of work was a little harder.
Sabbath is a promise God gave to us to work 6 days and rest on day 7 and to trust him. While my day of the week for sabbathing may change depending on my schedule, I am intentional about my sabbath day of rest. For me, my sabbath is about trusting God with doing what I can in 6 days and for God to provide the difference when I honor myself by resting.
In this season of my life I need to take resting seriously or else I will overextend and overwork myself by trying to say yes to everything.
What did I do for my sabbath?
I’m glad you asked, I’ll share.
My sabbath day:
- I took a day off Social media.
- Spent a few hours going through old prayer journals and allowed God to speak to me.
- I also did not work. I did not spend the day cleaning or washing clothes. (Side note - I’m considering hiring someone to clean for me.) 🤔 Back to my sabbath. I had the day off from my full-time job, but I also intentionally didn’t blog or create any reels, or anything else.
- The rest of the day I rested in bed and relax.
I can’t lie, the first hour or two I was tempted to log in to social media, but I deleted the apps from my phone, so I wouldn’t log in. As I go into week 3 of my sabbath, I’m looking forward to resting.
How do you honor your body by resting?
“And God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, because it was the day when he rested from all his work of creation.”Genesis 2:3 NLT
Failures or Lessons
I was in Atlanta this weekend eating dinner and I overheard this young lady informing the waiter she had all the information in her phone to host an event. Y’all I was probably being nosey, but she was also talking loudly - so I listened too. I’m working on my listening skills. 😩😂😂
Anyway, this young lady had pages and pages of notes down to potential hired employee schedules. I’m thinking Geesh - she has more information than some people who have launched successfully. But like many what is stopping her and others from moving forward?
This lady had the money, the business plan and everything else but she lacked the confidence to move forward because of fear. She shared with the guy she was afraid to fail.
Can I be honest, there are several things I haven’t done in the past or feared doing because of failing. It’s a common fear. So, I completely understood.
But I’m in this season of my life where I’m more afraid of what happens if I don’t pursue something and don’t fail.
Each potential failure - is a “lesson” we learned of what not to do next time. Those same “lessons” can be used to “teach "others from the mistakes you learned. We are currently living in the Information Age. People will pay for information that they don’t know.
I’ll share an example I used of lessons I learned and how I turned into something used. I turned my mistakes I made with my first book, “Things I Learned Before I Turned 31” into my second book - “My Self-Publishing Secrets.”
I turned my mistakes into lessons.My lessons into a book to teach.My book into passive income.
I want to be clear of what I’m saying and what I’m not saying. I’m not saying start something without a plan, but also don’t not start something because it isn’t perfect.
No one is perfect, but God.
Think about all the people who are waiting for you to execute your ideas, gifts and talents into the earth.
From publishing my first book, I can now see fruit. I’m not boasting in myself at all. I’m boasting in God. I’m grateful God gave me the ability to create books to give him glory. Since I moved past the fear, I’ve self-published 5 items and helped others self - publish their books too!
In closing, my prayer is that we all get busy in this season executing what God has given us to give him glory and to bless others.
Horizontal↔️ Vertical↕️
A friend sent me a helpful message yesterday about relationships and worship. One of the interesting things mentioned was how can you worship God vertically when our relationships horizontal within our family and community are a hot mess?!!!
I was shook because while I’m very intentional about my boundaries in certain areas with others I can’t say my attitude is always right. Sometimes others’ responses trigger me. I wish every day was great - but Ummm it’s not. There were 3 things I took from the message which I will share below when it comes to how we should treat others:
- Give others grace.
- Follow peace.
- Love one another.
While all of this information sounds simple and practical in moments of heated discussions, to be honest, sometimes I have to take a step back because this isn’t my normal disposition. I have to ensure I’m not responding emotionally. In these moments I have to remind myself to invite the Holy Spirit to help guide and word my mouth even if that means not responding immediately. I also want to be sure I'm responding from a heart space filled with love even when it is uncomfortable for me. 😩
What are some things you do to work on your horizontal relationships with others?
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” John 13:34 NIV
Kids Can Pray Too
Sometimes I think life happens so fast we don’t take time to lean in and sit in the gravity of the moment. I want to share my appreciation for my first children’s book reading. My friend said this comment and I’m going to repeat it because I agree. The pictures shared didn’t do any justice to the gravity of the moment.
First off, it was a full-circle moment for me. The event took place at the very first library I ever visited as a child- in the same area I grew up in! Like - wow! S/o to the Dallas Public Library - West Dallas branch location. In addition, two copies of Kids Can Pray Too are now in circulation at the public library! Ahhhhhh!!!!!! 🎉🎉
When I first wrote Kids Can Pray Too, I don’t think I understood the impact it could have on others - honestly I still don’t. I’m truly grateful God used me to give language to so many children's situations. It warmed my heart to hear stories from parents of their children going through similar experiences mentioned in the book regarding feeling alone, identity issues, bullying, transitioning to a new school and so much more. It’s so necessary to have community and support. Not only did we discuss Kids Can Pray Too in detail, but I was provided with amazing ideas for other children's books. I’m in awe of the moment and the experience. I’m truly grateful for every person who purchased a book, liked a post, shared a post, sent me encouraging words, and came to the Author’s Reading ! I appreciate all of you.
Kids Can Pray Too is just getting started! Cheers to more book readings and encouraging children to communicate more with God!
Wall Seat
First off I want to give a s/o to the people on my airplane row yesterday, they were the real MVPs and even assisted with naming this blog. 😂
So, as a frequent flyer I love window seats - unless I’m flying international then aisle seat me please! While traveling this weekend - I was given a middle seat on my departure flight and the person near the window kept the shade closed until we landed. 😩 Like why? How do I even know when we are in the sky or when we are landing? And why can’t I see the beautiful clouds? 😬 and then on my return flight home I had a window seat with no window. 🙃🪟
First off, what do you call it when there’s no window - near the window seat? The people on the row with me agreed we will call it a wall seat. Lol. It’s a speciality row. It was literally the only row like this on the plane. 😂
I truly believe nothing happens by accident. I also believe if you look for God you will find him in so many ways. He’s everywhere!
In my recent conversations with God one thing he’s said repeatedly to me is to trust him.
How does this relate to the plane?
I’m glad you asked. It’s easy to trust God when you can see how something you want will take off and or land, but what about when you can’t see?
Even scripture reminds us:
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1
For my flights this weekend I really had to:
1. Actually take off my earphones and listen to the flight attendant to know when we were landing and taking off and
2. trust the pilot to do his job without seeing where we were going.
In closing, since God should be the pilot of our life, can we trust him when we can’t see?
Picture reference:
Fight or Flight It!
Fight or flight! Your body immediately picks a side when you are going through an experience that feels traumatic. Majority of the time depending on the situation my body picks flight. Last week, I had an experience and my body immediately felt like it was in danger. It’s crazy what your brain tells you to protect you from any real or perceived threat. I immediately grabbed my luggage and decided I would ask questions later. 😂
It all happened so quickly and all I could think was let me flee (flight) from this situation and put myself in a more controlled environment to feel comfortable.
Fast forward another 10 minutes or so I calmed down some and told myself I could practice a healthier response to calm my body and brain so that I could make a more logical decision. So, instead of fleeing (flight) from the situation I went for a walk and calmed down. A nice brisk walk was a great way to calm my environment, get some fresh air, and slow the internal noise in my head. I understand my body’s ability to respond to situations to alert me to fight or flight will vary depending on the level intensity to protect me. Which is - great, but sometimes it’s okay to calm down and respond differently.
Do you tend to fight or flight when you encounter situations?
#permissiontothinkdifferently
What's in a Name?
I saw on social media the other day someone decided to go from a nickname to their full name. The reasoning behind it was they initially wanted others to be able to pronounce their name easier, but they prefer to be called by their birth name. I thought this was a great idea as I’m learning to give people to grow, change and evolve.
Storytime: I remember in grade school when my teachers took attendance I always knew when they were about to call my name because they would stop and look confused. In their defense it didn’t help that due to my first name containing 9 letters and my last name containing 8 there was a letter or two cut off from my first name on the roll. So, they weren’t sure if they should say Lawrence or Lawrencia. 😩
Fast forward to now, people occasionally happily share with me my name is difficult and to their comments I'm often unsure of what to say because like you all reading this - I didn't have any input in my name. Our names are given to us by parents or someone else as we arent even old enough to chat at birth.
I truly believe you can’t even get to know someone until you know their preferred name. The best thing to do is to ask them - that’s it!
Processing…
I’ll say this and I’ll probably keep saying it- therapy is hard, sometimes. All weekend I’ve been trying to process things I discussed with my therapist on Friday. Additionally, every other thing I’ve listened to from sermons to mentor calls and conversations with a couple of friends compounded off that conversation. 😭
I will say this for starters when God wants to get my attention about anything it may start gently, but if I miss the cues and don’t do the work, then it will hit me like a ton of rocks. #woosah
In case you are new to my blog, one of the ways I process things is through conversation and my writing. So welcome aboard.🤗
After a combination of many things this weekend, I’ve realized sometimes you have to ensure you embrace how God has wired you.
We are wired exactly how God wanted us to be for my unique assignments and purpose.
The more I become clearer on my assignment, it allows me to produce speed and execute my purpose quicker because I can easily say yes or no to different things which don’t align.
- Dr. Darius Daniels
God graced me for every assignment he wants me to fulfill even if it feels weird to someone else and that’s okay.
I’ll dive deeper into this with a later blog, but enclosing we all have unique things which bother us from social justice issues, the abuse of animals, orphans, lack of systems in organizations and so much more! Lean into what bothers you as you may be able to solve a problem that others don’t see!
“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 NLT
What’s something which bothers you which no one else seems to notice?
Floppy Feedback Part 2
In case I haven’t shared sometimes I like therapy and others - well therapy is hard. You are continuously looking inward and if I’m honest I’ll like to believe the issue is not me. 😂#whewchile
Story time: So, a few weeks ago I shared a post about feedback, (read this first: https://www.wrenhowsway.com/floppy-feedback/) . After meeting and discussing this story with my therapist she gave me a completely different outlook on my initial post and I knew I had to share a follow-up blog.After sharing the story with my therapist, she first reminded me I volunteered to help with a project. Secondly, she advised once you agree to do something you sign up for every part of it - the good, the bad, and even the unsolicited feedback conversations which may result from it. Y’all! #therapyishard 😂 Definitely, not something I wanted to hear, but I understood her point.
Moral of the story: I’ll be very selective when I volunteer. 😂 That’s it!
Chile, I Got It!
Over the past 18 years, a constant learned behavior was to show up for myself and figure things out. #chileigotit This was a continuous phrase I frequently said myself and heard from others.
#storytime For me, this all started in high school when I quickly had to find a way home from school after working nights in addition to taking care of any of my expenses from school.
Often I was hailed by others as responsible and resourceful. Y’all, I knew all the buses in the area and if the buses weren’t running I requested HR to fix my schedule or would have a couple of trusted friends assist. I’m grateful I figured things out; however, on the flip side it ignited a strong independence in me, which I still struggle to ask for help and even when offered I seldom accept it. 😩
Fast forward to recently my beloved, Mona Lisa, my car is in the shop being repaired, which is fine because I work remote. My sister offered to allow me to borrow her car and a friend even insisted on picking me up for church, but I declined. 😩
While, I could have accepted help I opted to enjoy a peaceful long weekend at home working on my book. However, I did have a deep convo with a friend as they asked probing questions regarding my reluctance to receive help. Of course after this discussion, I’ll have to follow up and discuss this subject with my therapist to see what I want my end goal to be, but in the meantime I’ll take baby steps to receiving help from others.
It would be easy for me to close this blog and suggest for y’all to accept help from others, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll say, we are all on our own healing journey from various things. The beautiful thing is we all arrive at a point of awareness on our own time and guess what - that’s our business!
My pray for you is that when you are ready, you will have trusted friends there to walk with you.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 KJV
Meeting People Where They Are…
New Blog: Meeting People Where They Are...
We are all on different journeys in our lives and at different phases of the journey. Some of us may be farther along than someone else in one aspect, while slowly trying to catch up in a different area. It’s easy to expect others to show up for you in different seasons as you anticipate you would show up for them in a similar season. But we are all going through unique situations as we journey through our different life seasons. I’m learning that grace has to be extended in so many different situations and nuances.
I was recently reading this book and the author shared, that while she was sick she had some friends who brought her meals, sent her cards in the mail, went to the hospital, helped around the house, told her jokes and some did absolutely nothing at all! She concluded that no matter how someone showed up for her in a tough season in her life - they would still be their friend.
This book resonated with me because it’s often easy to assume people will show up a certain way to help, but sometimes they don’t! You never know the unknown things people have going on which are not shared with everyone. Even if they don’t have anything going on, we still have to give them grace because maybe they don’t know what to do and that’s okay!Sometimes God allows certain people to come into your life to pour into you in a really difficult season. However, we get to choose how we show up for others. Meet people where they are and allow God, grace and love to cover the difference. I love handwritten cards, so I’m going to be more intentional in sending cards to others.
How are you showing up for the people in your life?
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” Ecclesiastes 3:1 KJV
Floppy Feedback
Few people want to be a writer and everyone wants to be an editor. I heard someone quote this last weekend and I knew I had to share it. It’s so much easier to have a red pen correcting things than to be the person who wrote it receiving all the feedback. This is why I’m not that fond of some constructive feedback. Let me clarify. I receive feedback from my editors for my books all the time - which I appreciate. However, it’s the unsolicited feedback from others, which can grind my gears at times.
Y’all remember being in school and there was always one or two people doing the bulk of the work for a group project? The other group members chimed in with feedback or stood at the front of the class for moral support for the group presentation. Yeah, still not cool today.😩
While the settings may have changed unsolicited feedback can be tough to digest - especially if others didn’t contribute and they were able to do so. I wish I could say I have mastered receiving feedback, but I haven’t.
However, the two most valuable things heard from a mentor recently were:
- Always assume positive intent from others.
- Don’t allow others to rush you to respond if you need a moment to process what they are saying.
How do you deal with constructive feedback?
Cauliflower
Yes, you read the title right - “Cauliflower”. If you would have asked me 10 years ago what vegetable I thought would have the biggest impact on my lifestyle change - I would have never guessed cauliflower.
Cauliflower is like the ugly duckling of vegetables that no one wanted unless it was in a vegetable melody with carrots, broccoli, and cheese (y’all know what package I’m talking about) Lol. Seriously, no one was purchasing cauliflowers by themselves to eat or use for anything else.
Cauliflower is the come-back kid! No one was checking for it in high school or college, but baby when it turned 25 cauliflower was in the gym and morphed into a beautiful cocoon! 😂.
But I digress!
Now we have learned there are so many things you can do with cauliflower and it’s low in carbs. You can use cauliflower as rice, mashed potatoes, pizza crust, pasta in Mac and cheese, tortillas, vegetarian steak, vegetarian Buffalo chicken and so much more!
I’m sure you are thinking, I eat cauliflower, but why are you writing about it?
I’m glad you asked. 😂 I wanted to get back to the core of why I started this blog. I can find beauty and meaning in everything! I was making a cauliflower breakfast burrito this morning and thought - wow cauliflower blossomed and wanted to share my perspective.
And I thought everyone can have a beautiful story and blossom just like cauliflower, despite who may have counted you out. It’s never too late to change the trajectory of your life!
Be like cauliflower and blossom!
Hot Mess
Listen can’t nobody tell you about me as I can! Y’all might not know this - but most days I’m a hot mess!
If you look at my social media you may think I have it together, but I don’t.
I’m perfectly imperfect.
I make mistakes.
I get things wrong a lot.
Sometimes I struggle with perfectionism.
I can be impatient. 😬
I tune people out sometimes, unconsciously. 😩🎧
I say things I shouldn’t say. 🤐 I try to have the shut-up spirit, but it doesn’t work all the time.
I take things out of context.
Forget to give people grace, but I want all the grace. #makeitmakesense But it doesn’t. 😂
And so much more!
In the words of my friend Erica…BUT GOD!
In the midst of me being a hot mess, God reminds me that he can use me for his glory to help others! And if he can use me, he can use you as well!
Remember, we are all ministers and can share our faith with others.
Who also hath made us able ministers of the New Testament; not of the letter, but the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life. 2 Corinthians 3:6
Weekends
Listen, I’m so proud of myself. I don’t know if you ever tried to lose weight, but for me, this is the story of my life. Lol.
Now I’m an avid meal prepper, I’ve been back in the gym for a while and even going 5-6 days every week faithfully in the morning BUT ummmm… Y’all know there’s always a but! Lol.
But…the weekend! 😬
There are brunches, birthdays, baby showers, weddings, parties, reunions, lunches, traveling, meetups, etc…
It’s sad to say I could have such great momentum and progress Monday - Friday and lose it all within a weekend. #sadnews
However, this weekend I was victorious! I not only maintained my progress but the scale decreased! I’m so proud of myself - almost proud enough to order a salad the next time I go out to eat as my entree.
Okay, jk I’m not there yet, but maybe one day!
In the meantime, I’ll continue to celebrate my small wins and keep my healthy habits.
Small progress leads to success!
“Who dares despise the day of small things, since the seven eyes of the Lord that range throughout the earth will rejoice when they see the chosen capstone in the hand of Zerubbabel?” Zechariah 4:10 NIV