Chile, I Got It!
Over the past 18 years, a constant learned behavior was to show up for myself and figure things out. #chileigotit This was a continuous phrase I frequently said myself and heard from others.
#storytime For me, this all started in high school when I quickly had to find a way home from school after working nights in addition to taking care of any of my expenses from school.
Often I was hailed by others as responsible and resourceful. Y’all, I knew all the buses in the area and if the buses weren’t running I requested HR to fix my schedule or would have a couple of trusted friends assist. I’m grateful I figured things out; however, on the flip side it ignited a strong independence in me, which I still struggle to ask for help and even when offered I seldom accept it. 😩
Fast forward to recently my beloved, Mona Lisa, my car is in the shop being repaired, which is fine because I work remote. My sister offered to allow me to borrow her car and a friend even insisted on picking me up for church, but I declined. 😩
While, I could have accepted help I opted to enjoy a peaceful long weekend at home working on my book. However, I did have a deep convo with a friend as they asked probing questions regarding my reluctance to receive help. Of course after this discussion, I’ll have to follow up and discuss this subject with my therapist to see what I want my end goal to be, but in the meantime I’ll take baby steps to receiving help from others.
It would be easy for me to close this blog and suggest for y’all to accept help from others, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll say, we are all on our own healing journey from various things. The beautiful thing is we all arrive at a point of awareness on our own time and guess what - that’s our business!
My pray for you is that when you are ready, you will have trusted friends there to walk with you.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. Proverbs 11:14 KJV
Speak Up
I can recall a couple of situations in which I was silent after someone said something offensive- whether they were a friend, family member, or a stranger. Initially, I was silent in some situations because I didn’t know what to say or I didn’t want to blow things out of proportion. I’ve learned silence isn’t always golden and sometimes you have to Speak Up for yourself. Now, this post isn’t condoning rude, combative, or disrespectful behavior; however, sometimes a curious question or a graceful statement can be a solution to reset a boundary or bring up a concern.
Storytime:
I found a nail tech who I love and she’s walking distance from me. Y’all she has nail styles pre-picked out for me. #winwin However, last week I went to get my nails done and learned my nail tech is traveling and unavailable for the next three months. 🙃 While, I’m an avid traveler myself - I’m excited for her, but who’s going to do my nails? With outgrown nails I allowed another tech to do my nails. Initially, I thought they looked fine, but once I went home I realized I didn’t like them. I’ve been getting my nails done for over 10 years, but this is the first time I decided to go back and ask them to change my nails because I was dissatisfied. Once she made the changes, my nails looked so much better.
I know this may be a simple example to some, but that’s exactly the point. Anything you practice gets easier over time. If you can’t tell your nail tech, “Can you fix my nails?” - how can you have a tough conversation about anything else?
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Prov. 15:1
Vulnerability
There's a popular saying that says, “Check on your strong friends.” My truth: I’m someone who has struggled with vulnerability. It is still tough for me and I’m sure others admit we need help or that they we are struggling. We all have so many unique stories, traumas, and experiences that may impact how we interact with others.
How do you assist someone who doesn't know how to ask or receive help?
Well, great question.
While I can't answer for everyone I can say for me I’m grateful that I have friends who are patient and supportive and provided a genuine listening ear when I was ready to share.
One of my favorite quotes from George Washington Carver says, “Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough. Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower or the little peanut they will give up their secrets, but I have found that when I silently commune with people they give up their secrets also – if you love them enough.”
It is so true that if you love someone they with soon open up to you and share their story that may be near and dear to their heart. Love never fails.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.8 Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8
Coach Put Me in the Game
I had the pleasure of attending a Historical Black College/university (HBCU) football game over the weekend. The game came down to who scored on their last possession of the ball. And Alabama A&M was successful in a win over Texas Southern University (50 -43).
Listen, I love football. Here’s my perspective while watching the game. I noticed the coach remained on the sidelines and provided direction to the team; however, he could not be directly on the field once the game started. I also realized when a player wanted the coach to put him in the game he would walk the field with his coach trying to prove he was ready to enter the game. If the coach thought he was ready, he would let him play, and if not the player would wait.
In addition to this, sometimes, time-outs were called by the Coach and the team would huddle on the field or the sideline. The coach would give feedback to the team - both praise and other times correction.
Y’all know I made a correlation, right? Because I always do! 😂 The Coach for me represented my relationship with God. First off, I could see myself figuratively walking with Jesus asking him for something in his name - because there’s no other name I could ask in. Depending on if God felt I was ready he would allow me to experience it.
Just like the coach on the field, if he felt the player wasn’t ready to play due to injuries or something he wasn’t going to allow him to play. The same is true for our relationship with God - he’s not going to give us something that will destroy us.
Furthermore, depending on what we are experiencing in life there are moments we make God proud and other moments he has to correct us because he’s such a loving father.
While I love saying God, put me in the game, I can also wait for his divine yes - knowing that it’s for my protection.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NASB2020
The Weight of Words
I’ve recently heard two Pastors speak about watching your words and I felt compelled to share my thoughts.
In society, we have interesting cliches which are used, and honestly, they are so far from the truth. I’ll give you an example. “Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt me.“ Issa lie! Words matter and they can hurt. The scripture says it like this:
“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” Proverbs 18:21 MSG
I’ve heard things parents or family members have said to others and their words can be painful. However, I learned you have to come out of agreement with negative word curses spoken over your life. Just because someone said something to you, it doesn’t mean it’s you. Since life and death is in the power of our tongue, we should only be speaking life-giving things over ourselves and others. We have a responsibility to weigh our words said to other people too.
Y’all I’ve been working on practicing positive self-talk and listen I’m still a work in progress. I only verbalize positive things about myself out loud - despite what I think or feel at the moment. I read an article that stated, it’s one thing to think something negative in your head, but it is even more detrimental to verbalize it out loud. I’m no scientist, but verbalizing negative things does something different to your brain. Speak positive to yourself.
QOTD: How will you weigh your words this week and speak blessings into your life and the life of others around you?
New Friends or Nah?
At the beautiful age of 33, I can honestly say I’m blessed to have amazing friends in my life. But, what about when we meet new people, do we embrace them or do we say no new friends? 🤔
My Pastor often says all new relationships begin with an awkward hello. After that introduction, both people get to decide if they want to cultivate the relationship or leave it as is.
Making new friends can be interesting at any age, but especially after 30. 😂Sometimes friendships blossom easily and others may take a little more time. One thing I’ve learned that’s important in any friendship is to know what you need and also know what you are capable of giving to others. Don’t force yourself to be overextended.
Because friendships can have so much influence on your life, it’s okay not to be everyone’s friend. I’m going to repeat that for the people in the back: everyone is not your friend! It’s healthy to be selective in your friendships. I’ll share 3 things that I try to do when I’m considering someone as a new friend.
3 Friendly Habits
- Establish common ground and use this to set up a met up or spark conversation (what hobbies, interests do you all have in common)
- Check on them (A weekly follow-up such as how is your week going, what are you doing this weekend, etc…)
- Be friendly and open-minded to people who aren’t your typical friend. If they extend an invite for coffee and you can go - accept and get to know them. If it doesn’t work out, that’s okay. At least you tried!
A couple of my friendships started with people I didn’t think would be my friend and years later - we are still friends!
Are you open to making new friends? Why or why not?
“My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as one pleads for a friend.” Job 16:20-21 NIV
All you have to do is ask...
So, what are we waiting for? God already knows when we need help, he’s just waiting for us to ask.“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7 NASB2020
Sponsorship
There’s a buzz word going around in corporate America called sponsorship. My understanding of the word is a sponsor is someone who is an advocate for you when you are or aren’t in the room for a position, project, opportunity and etc...A good sponsor should be a person who is asking others - have you considered (insert name).I went to an amazing virtual conference a few weeks ago called Sharp Heels and several of the speakers spoke of sponsorship and how their sponsors helped them obtain new opportunities within their company. Often time when I hear a word I like to think of how it could be used in another context.
When I thought of the word sponsorship- I thought of Jesus Christ. I know there is God the Father, God the son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit - who all make up the Trinity. But I like to think of every one of individually and collectively to make it more relatable for me. Jesus, is our personal advocate - like how sway! He’s sponsoring us in heaven to his father. He’s advocating on our behalf to his Father pleading our case.
Picture this - Jesus is sitting on the right hand of the Father making intercession for us. He’s sees the best in us and also sees our full life from the end to the beginning and advocates for us. ❤️
“who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, but rather, was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us.”Romans 8:34 NASB2020
Abba, Father
I acknowledge God as my Heavenly Father. So, when I think about my relationship with him, I think about a father and daughter relationship. My father is deceased, but I look at the scriptures, other healthy father/daughter relationships around me, and my relationship with my father to understand the role of a father.
Picture this: You are in school and you were in trouble for something. You make it home from school and your father is already aware of what happened because he received an e-mail from the teacher about your behavior. So, once you get home you run to your father to tell him the news.
At that moment, of sharing the news with your father you may feel vulnerable and awful for your behavior. But your father is good, so he covers you.
Later on in the day, y’all have a conversation about it, he calls you higher and he reminds you that he loves you.
This is how I picture my relationship with God - though I may do wrong, God is there to be a father even in the midst of what is going on.
There’s nothing I can do or anything anyone can say to change the love my Heavenly Father has for me as his daughter. Just like a natural father may have to discipline or correct a child, God does this for us as well, but it’s only because he wants the best for us.
This is why I can call him Abba, Father.
For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons and daughters by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15 NASB2020
Growth Conversations
Have you ever had to have a conversation with someone about something that was not pleasant? I’m sure some people even cringe just reading the title of the blog - but just know there’s a growth opportunity in the conversation.
I’m sure we all had those moments when we had to discuss something with a family member, a co-worker, a friend, an associate, a manager, etc...
How do you navigate those conversations?
As someone who’s had to have several of these conversations, while they can be challenging at first, they become easier to handle.
You may not believe this, but I used to be the person that could go 0 to 100, it’s not my proudest moment. ? But, I’m thankful to God for his saving grace! ??
Below, I’ll share the steps I’ve learned on my life journey I take to prepare for conversations - I like to refer to them as growth conversations now! So while I may still get a little nervous before a conversation, I feel so much better after I share my heart with someone.
My Top 5 Growth Conversations Tips
- Check your heart and make sure the conversation is rooted in a place of love.
- Pray about the conversation.
- Discuss or role-play the conversation with a trusted non-biased friend if needed.
- Ask open-ended questions that are not accusatory of the other person.
- If needed bring in a nonbiased third party and also be prepared to listen.
Share any tips you have for growth conversations!
“The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with Loving kindness I have drawn you.”
Jeremiah 31:3 NKJV