Surface level conversations are for the birds…

A lot of us walk around hurt or wounded because we desire to have intimate conversations with significant people in our life. Shamefully, these conversations are far, few and non-existent for many. When you do get the opportunity to have many of those conversations they remain “surface-level.

What are surface level conversations?

Surface level conversations are those boring, predictable conversations with the predictable responses to questions such as:

How are you doing? What have you been up to?


Lets talk about what happened… Can we discuss this situation?

Let’s be clear, it is always okay to ask someone if they are okay, how they are doing, but that shouldn’t be the end of the conversation. Often times the conversation stops there.

Getting rid of surface level conversations allows us to ask the tough questions and will require vulnerability to get to the root of an issue and work through it. So, have your tissue ready.

How can I even start this conversation?

Well, I’m glad you asked. It may require you taking someone to lunch or grabbing a cup of coffee. A great way to segway a conversation is to open with a conversation such as How do you feel about this? Or remember when…. share a story. Listen, I’m not a counselor, I have a strong desire for others to have meaningful and healthy relationships with the people in their life.

We (me included) we have the ability to change the trajectory of our story. We can challenge and speak up about past issues and start the conversation.

Sidenote: Every one you desire to have non-surface level conversations with won’t be open to engaging in these conversations, and that’s okay.

Also remember,?Don’t force the conversation, but do it in your own time.

When someone is willing to have a conversation with you, be open to listen actively and share in dialogue back to them. Having a much needed conversation can be a beautiful thing.
Because unlike the saying goes, what you don’t know about someone can hurt you.

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6 KJV



  1. Elizabeth Lockhart says:

    Love it

    1. wrenhowsway says:

      Thanks sis!!!

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